I've decided I am a Senior Citizen

I have been falling apart lately, and I don't think it is all that sudden. I frequently find myself talking to friends who are telling me stories of our past, of which I have to ask if they are sure that it was "me" in the story with them because I have zero recollection of said event. I forget what I did the day before, a week ago, hell, sometimes 5 minutes ago. It is embarrassing at times. I have developed this habit of sleeping anywhere from 12-13 hours a night, sometimes more.. and yes, I do this with a 6 and 1/2 month old infant.. I'm not sure how it works, but I think she got my genes because she joins me. We go to bed early, most of the time, say 9:00 and get up usually around 10am. Pathetic I know. I haven't worked in a year or so, but somehow I am exhausted. On top of that, I somehow injured my back about 2 weeks ago and have been hobbling around like a little old lady ever since. I have to steady myself to stand up, and sometimes grab walls while walking so as to not fall over completely. Some night I dose up on Vicodin, other nights I just try to ignore it for the sake of not polluting my milk for the wee one. I finally got a massage today and my masseuse told me that she could see a huge swollen section on my lower back and she didn't even have to ask where the pain was, it was that obvious. I am afraid of what shape mentally and physically I will be in when I am a "senior" if this is as good as it gets now. Perhaps I should take up daily stretching, exercise, brain games, and B vitamins.

She's too cute

I seem to post about Jordyn alot, but she is too adorable! Yes I am biased. I am just so thankful that through everything negative in the world and life in general that I have such a bright ray of sunshine everyday. I love my daughter!

We are living the American Nighmare

As most know, I lost my job last year, 2 days after returning from my honeymoon. 4 months pregnant at the time, it was impossible to find a job. I had my daughter Jordyn on the 27th of October and have been staying at home with her, while collecting unemployment and looking for a job. Since I've been unemployed the economy as everyone knows, took a huge DUMP. As of last Wednesday my husband lost his job too. So now we have a household with no employment. My unemployment runs out in a few weeks and we are terrified of what is going to happen to our family. I guess if we end up living out of our vehicles, at least the weather is getting warmer. We are both frantically looking for jobs, and trying to find out if we can afford our rent, and not our bills, and ruin my credit- or what to do. I am positive that we are not the only family in this boat at the moment, but it is so scary.

Goals

There is a school of thought that says in order to accomplish your goals, you must write them down. So here are a few of mine:
1.) Finish my B.A.
2.) Purchase a home
3.) Lose 15 lbs
4.) Learn to play my guitar well
5.) Spend more time with friends

Just like Heaven

You
soft and only
you
lost and lonely
you
strange as angels
dancing in the deepest oceans
twisting in the water
you're just like a dream
daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
and moving lips to breathe his name
I opened my eyes
and found myself alone,
alone.
alone above a raging sea
that stole the only man I loved
and drowned him deep inside of me
you
soft and only
you
lost and lonely
you
just like heaven

Lindsey Cummins

Dreams

When you get tired of the world and how it seems,
just slip away into your dreams.
For its a position where nothing is real,
All in your mind, in dreams you will feel.
This is a place where your fantasies come true,
and where the main character is always you.
Sometimes our dreams scare us away,
othertimes they leave us happy all day.
So next time you go to fall fast asleep,
Remember when you close your eyes,
You are entering a world,
of nothing but lies.
-Lyncea

New Guitar

When I was a teenager I tried playing several instruments, the clarinet, the flute, the trumpet, the saxophone, the piano, and the guitar. I made a four year commitment to piano, against my wishes, and could play decently at the end of it. I bought an electric guitar when I was 15 and attempted to learn. I took lessons, but they were a waste of money, because all I could think about during them was how "hot" my teacher was, so that didn't' get me very far. I had some friends who played and were quite good. Those "natural talent" people. They tested their patience with me and taught me at least a couple of tabs. I had ambitions at one point to start a band, but I think I would have been better suited for a singer than the lead guitar, never the less, that never happened either. I ended up pawning my guitar when I was 19. I pawned the guitar, the amp, and the distortion pedal for a whopping $125.00. A decision I have regretted ever since. So, I purchased a new- used acoustic guitar. I have been fiddling with it and have decided that perhaps the reason that I sucked so bad before was that I am left handed and was playing right handed. At least that is one of my theories. So I have restrung it upside down, since that is how I operate, and I am planning on really trying to learn something this time. I have always envied those people who can just grab a guitar and play, especially those who can sing along to their playing. My goal is to become one of them.